Thursday, April 9, 2009

No Laughing Matter

We've gotten to where we can joke about things, sort of. Divorce is not a common topic to discuss with your new boyfriend because it's awkward and all.

Yet it still keeps popping up because it consumes so much of your time (revising settlement agreements, anyone?) and thought processes. Even when the emotional wounds have scarred over for the most part, there's just the simple matter of logistics. And planning. And crossing your fingers and hoping like hell you don't actually have to go to court. And the reality of the fact that I am, technically, still married. And many of our mutual friends are totally and completely aware of that fact. And not everyone is thrilled that we are dating under these circumstances.

We were sitting on his bed, talking about where to go for dinner and our plans for the weekend. Big plans, closing weekend at a faraway ski resort plans, first "real" weekend trip together plans. I mentioned that hey, my divorce might actually be final, and not that we planned the trip for that reason (no, that would be my procrastination in using my one-day pass at this particular resort) but why not pop some champagne or something, if it happened? To new beginnings and three day weekends and fresh powder and seemingly endless patience. Why not?

Laughing, he tells me that I've been saying that for a while now, and he's beginning to wonder if I am ever really getting divorced. This was definitely not one of those joking-but-not-joking things, either, because as some of you know, this has pretty much been the fastest and easiest divorce in the history of the universe.

I tell him (again, kidding) that I'm not really getting divorced. That we're really having an affair, that I'm leading him on, that in my free time, I hang out with my husband.

"I knew it!" He says. "The one night a week you aren't with me, you are still married, aren't you!"

"Totally." I say.

And we both laugh.

And then, he stops laughing.

He takes my hand, very seriously, and looks me right in the eyes.

"This will never happen to you again." he says.

My smile vanishes and I am confused. Did I hear that right? "What?" I ask him.

He never looks away from me, never lets go of my hand. "You will never have to go through this again."

Out of seemingly nowhere, my eyes fill with tears.

I squeeze his hand, but look away. "I hope not." The tears disappear as quickly as they came and I smile at him. A little.

He smiles back. "Trust me, it won't."

And I hope, hope, hope that he's right.

Regardless of how "he" works out, regardless of what happens this weekend, how the trip goes, whether my divorce is final, if I have to go to court...for that moment, he made me see so much potential in this situation.

Isn't it weird, the people you meet and the things they say? It always blows my mind when someone says exactly what you want to hear, what you need to hear before you lose your fucking mind.


Shine on, you crazy diamond.