Why Facebook Can Bite Me

Okay, so, my settlement agreement seems like it is getting better, the yeast infection is gone, and the snow has (mostly) melted. Onward!

I blogged some on my old blog about how annoying facebook is for dating. Here is the FB story to end all FB stories.

So, GTIAGO was banging some 22-year-old for the last year, pretty much right up until he met me. The story *I* got (because we all know there are multiple versions of every story, right?) was that they had been "friends" for four years and then randomly started having sex about a year ago. He said she was a total pill popper/partier and they never dated, but would just hook up on occasion. He also said they had an "agreement" that if either of them met someone and started dating them, their little "arrangement" would immediately end.

Ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I mean, I've done exactly what I just described. It's been a while, but I've definitely done it. Not for a freaking year, but then again, I have a short attention span. Anyway.

Cue to January, he meets me and we start hanging out a lot. We weren't serious then, I mean, I was totally dating someone else at the time. Several someone elses. So I didn't really worry too much about you know, whatever he had going on. At the end of January or so we decided we were only going to date each other, blah blah.

Then the phone calls started. At 4:00 am. And in my experience, you aren't calling at 4:00 am because you want to borrow a cup of sugar. Also in my experience, you aren't still awake and ready to go at 4:00 am without some chemical assistance.

And the texting! Ohhhhhh, the texting. You can only hear a text tone and watch someone look at their phone and laugh so many times before you have to ask, WTF is going on? And that's exactly what I did. He explained the situation to me and said he had just stopped calling her or answering her calls when we started hanging out. Um, a month ago. So she's still calling you because...obviously she's a psycho. But aside from that, you need to grow a pair and just call the biatch up and tell her you have a motherfucking girlfriend. Right?

So, he does. He calls her up, tells her he has a girlfriend, she can't call any more. She says okay. Then she texts him a few more times here and there (a random Friday night, also on St. Patrick's day) to see if he is going out to the bars. There was also one that said "you never come out anymore, you're so lame since you got a girlfriend." Classy.

Anyway, there were only a few texts from her and he didn't respond to any of them, so I'm still like, whatever. I figure eventually girls like that will just make an ass out of themselves and/or get over it and move on to pimp themselves out to someone else.

I was wrong. Next thing I know, she's friending him on facebook. Okay, whatever. I did have a momentary meltdown when that happened, but mostly kept my cool. I mean, I'm friends with guys I've banged on facebook. It happens. (And is a good reason NOT to friend people you date). So what? They're FB friends. I'm not in junior high. I'm not going to be neurotic about that.

Then shit starts showing up in my feed. First it's a comment on a picture he has up of this time that his car got booted. Her comment was lame, obviously she was there when the boot was put on, they were together, whatever, it was a freaking year ago, who gives a shit. I really wish I didn't even know this girl existed, but I'm still trying to be cool about this and all. I just really hate junior high drama bullshit.

The next comment she made was on a picture he had taken of her when she was getting up off a couch. In a minidress that showed most of both ass cheeks. That was so low cut in the back you could see most of her leopard-print bra. Think about that one. Getting. Up. Off. Of. A. Couch. In. A. Miniskirt. And the comment was definitely a subtle "hey remember how we banged" reference.

I don't want this shit in my feed. And on top of that, she's calling him (twice!) and texting him (twice!) at 4 in the morning on Saturday night. Get a clue, bitch.

I broke it down like this - dude, I have some serious baggage and I am not bringing ANY drama to your life, so keep yours out of mine. Deal with your shit. Obviously she didn't get the memo re: you're dating someone now, and obviously she didn't really mean it when she agreed to end your little thing when/if you started dating someone. Call her up and tell her you are in an actual serious relationship and she can't call you anymore, period. And while you're at it, please delete any skanky ass pictures of her you have up on your page. And don't call me until that shit's done.

So, he called her. She agreed not to make any more drunken coked-out 4 am phone calls, and he deleted his entire facebook account.

Priceless. And (hopefully) the final reason why facebook can bite me. I say final because I am hoping like hell I don't have to deal with anymore facebook drama now.

I am way too old for this. Really.