Why Facebook Can Bite Me

Okay, so, my settlement agreement seems like it is getting better, the yeast infection is gone, and the snow has (mostly) melted. Onward!

I blogged some on my old blog about how annoying facebook is for dating. Here is the FB story to end all FB stories.

So, GTIAGO was banging some 22-year-old for the last year, pretty much right up until he met me. The story *I* got (because we all know there are multiple versions of every story, right?) was that they had been "friends" for four years and then randomly started having sex about a year ago. He said she was a total pill popper/partier and they never dated, but would just hook up on occasion. He also said they had an "agreement" that if either of them met someone and started dating them, their little "arrangement" would immediately end.

Ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. I mean, I've done exactly what I just described. It's been a while, but I've definitely done it. Not for a freaking year, but then again, I have a short attention span. Anyway.

Cue to January, he meets me and we start hanging out a lot. We weren't serious then, I mean, I was totally dating someone else at the time. Several someone elses. So I didn't really worry too much about you know, whatever he had going on. At the end of January or so we decided we were only going to date each other, blah blah.

Then the phone calls started. At 4:00 am. And in my experience, you aren't calling at 4:00 am because you want to borrow a cup of sugar. Also in my experience, you aren't still awake and ready to go at 4:00 am without some chemical assistance.

And the texting! Ohhhhhh, the texting. You can only hear a text tone and watch someone look at their phone and laugh so many times before you have to ask, WTF is going on? And that's exactly what I did. He explained the situation to me and said he had just stopped calling her or answering her calls when we started hanging out. Um, a month ago. So she's still calling you because...obviously she's a psycho. But aside from that, you need to grow a pair and just call the biatch up and tell her you have a motherfucking girlfriend. Right?

So, he does. He calls her up, tells her he has a girlfriend, she can't call any more. She says okay. Then she texts him a few more times here and there (a random Friday night, also on St. Patrick's day) to see if he is going out to the bars. There was also one that said "you never come out anymore, you're so lame since you got a girlfriend." Classy.

Anyway, there were only a few texts from her and he didn't respond to any of them, so I'm still like, whatever. I figure eventually girls like that will just make an ass out of themselves and/or get over it and move on to pimp themselves out to someone else.

I was wrong. Next thing I know, she's friending him on facebook. Okay, whatever. I did have a momentary meltdown when that happened, but mostly kept my cool. I mean, I'm friends with guys I've banged on facebook. It happens. (And is a good reason NOT to friend people you date). So what? They're FB friends. I'm not in junior high. I'm not going to be neurotic about that.

Then shit starts showing up in my feed. First it's a comment on a picture he has up of this time that his car got booted. Her comment was lame, obviously she was there when the boot was put on, they were together, whatever, it was a freaking year ago, who gives a shit. I really wish I didn't even know this girl existed, but I'm still trying to be cool about this and all. I just really hate junior high drama bullshit.

The next comment she made was on a picture he had taken of her when she was getting up off a couch. In a minidress that showed most of both ass cheeks. That was so low cut in the back you could see most of her leopard-print bra. Think about that one. Getting. Up. Off. Of. A. Couch. In. A. Miniskirt. And the comment was definitely a subtle "hey remember how we banged" reference.

I don't want this shit in my feed. And on top of that, she's calling him (twice!) and texting him (twice!) at 4 in the morning on Saturday night. Get a clue, bitch.

I broke it down like this - dude, I have some serious baggage and I am not bringing ANY drama to your life, so keep yours out of mine. Deal with your shit. Obviously she didn't get the memo re: you're dating someone now, and obviously she didn't really mean it when she agreed to end your little thing when/if you started dating someone. Call her up and tell her you are in an actual serious relationship and she can't call you anymore, period. And while you're at it, please delete any skanky ass pictures of her you have up on your page. And don't call me until that shit's done.

So, he called her. She agreed not to make any more drunken coked-out 4 am phone calls, and he deleted his entire facebook account.

Priceless. And (hopefully) the final reason why facebook can bite me. I say final because I am hoping like hell I don't have to deal with anymore facebook drama now.

I am way too old for this. Really.

Nice...

My boss talked to me about my January billing (um, it was really bad) and was really nice about it, but I am trying to bust my ass lately, hence the lack of blogging.

It's blizzarding outside. No, really. I got a shitty settlement agreement this week that I will not be signing anytime soon.

I was on three different antibiotics back in January when I was on the verge of Darth Vader death, and have had a stupid yeast infection ever since. I think it's gone, and it reappears. I took advantage of the fact that I am working from home today to go to the doctor about it for the fourth time, only to find out it's DIFLUCAN-RESISTANT YEAST! WTF. I didn't even know there was such a thing. At least I didn't pick up chlamydia or something from GTIAGO.

Things with him are going well, we even had a semi-serious "where-is-this-going-want-to-have-my-babies" talk the other day. Random. But it went well. We're still both trying to be chill and just see what happens.

I have to sign my shitty settlement agreement before I can even think about that kind of thing, anyway. Right?

No Paper Glasses For You

This is me, driving home from the eye doctor in my ski goggles for the simple reason that my optometrist doesn't have those funky little paper glasses to give away! WTF?!

Yeah, and I have huge effing pupils anyway so I was blinded...woke up yesterday morning and promptly tore my last contact lens. Been rocking the librarian look with my glasses ever since and got into the eye doctor ASAP yesterday afternoon. I had no sunglasses that would fit over my actual glasses, so the goggles were my best bet...guess I am glad I left them in my car for so long.

Definitely got some weird looks on the drive home. Work clothes and goggles don't really vibe.

Happy St. Patrick's day, yo! I am so not wearing green today and if anyone pinches me, I'll shank them. I AM going out later in Boulder and wearing my green shirt, though. Rock on.

Getting By

One of the funny things about getting divorced is how clear it was, to everyone around you, that it was happening. Despite your best efforts to keep shit on the DL, it seems to me now that most of my friends have come forward to tell me they saw it coming from miles away. That I disappeared off the face of the earth for 3-6 months, depending on which friend you were (i.e. long-distance acquaintances got the axe first...then couple friends...then my BFF's....and finally, even my family stopped getting their phone calls and emails returned), that we weren't invited to certain events because the tension was just too palpable when we attended functions together.

The most telling sign of all, to me, came the other day when I was looking for a phone number in my call log to my cell phone. Now, those of you that know me know I am TIED to my phone. It's my planner, my way to check my email and facebook when I am out and about, my way to feed my texting addiction. I plan probably 90% of my life via texting. As I was scrolling through the call log, I noticed something odd. Under "received calls" there is a huge gap between November 13th and December 29th. I didn't "receive" a single cell phone call during that time period.

Now, we all KNOW that doesn't mean that no one called me. And it doesn't mean I didn't call anyone, either. What it means is that I didn't pick up my phone one single time when it rang for over a month. Just. Too. Much. Effort.

I look back on November and December and see myself about as tightly strung as I have ever been in my life. And I tend to be a slightly high-strung person. I look back and see myself, arms out to my sides, holding redropes and legal pads and gallons of coffee and wine and random singular cigarettes, in my skinny jeans that were falling off my hips at the time, grinning and tense on a never-ending tightrope. And if you look up close, the grin is really me gritting my teeth. I couldn't even look at what was on either side of me, or I'd drop the whole fucking mess. I didn't even KNOW at the time I was on that tightrope, ready to fall at any second. I think my dog is down below running around somewhere, and my dad (who I talked to the other day for the first time since December!) and um, maybe something like self-interest.

The interesting thing is that I don't feel regret for missing out on that time...I mean, I have always kind of looked at life as you know, you've gotta do what you gotta do to keep your shit together. One of the few nonjudgmental things I took away from a dysfunctional family environment, I guess. Because that's what I saw.

Instead, I feel excitement for say, a month from now. Because I can look back on November and December and palpably feel how much things have changed. How much calmer I am, how much more I am getting done at work, how much more involved I am in the lives of my friends and family. How much more positive my attitude is and how much more open I am to possibility.

And I wonder what I will think when I look back on now. You know, later. Because sometimes NOW seems so amazing I can't really imagine that it can get just a ton better. Then I think, but NOW is better than THEN, so it's still possible.

This weekend was amazing and so much fun. I will post details later but I basically did nothing demanding or trying whatsoever. Friday I worked kind of late then went over to GTIAGO's house and we went out to dinner, then chilled at his house with some friends. He and his brother are hosting this mondo annual theme party thing this next weekend (there's teams and competitions and they actually hire "beer girls" for this thing) so there were a ton of people around planning/talking about that. Boys! So silly. Saturday we literally spent all day in downtown Denver partaking in the St. Patrick's day parade and after-festivities...bar hopping, eating and drinking way too much, and finally getting on the bus back to Boulder at 10. Sunday we vegged, went out to breakfast, then went to dinner at GTIAGO's parents house with his brother and HIS um, girl that he's dating or something. I dunno, she lives in another state and they aren't exclusive or anything but she's here for a week. It's kind of odd.

Like I said, deets later. But super chill weekend for me. How was yours?

Yet Another Reason For Me To Boycott Arby's

Okay, so I was super slammed on Wednesday night and my options for dinner were Arby's or Taco Bell. Since I got my divorce papers at Arby's, I try to avoid it if at all possible, but if it's that or Taco Bell - I'm def going with Arby's!

It WAS the Arby's right across from CU, so I have to cut it a little slack...but so I pull up and the convo goes like this:

Arby's stoner clerk: Would you like a combo meal today?
Me: No thank you, I just want a small beef and cheddar sandwich
ASC: What size?
Me: Um, small?
ASC: Would you like fries and a drink with that? (um, wouldn't that be a combo meal?)
Me: Nope, I just want the sandwich.
ASC: Would you like anything else with that?
Me: No, JUST THE SANDWICH, thanks.
ASC: Pull up to the window and I will give you your total.

I pull up.

ASC: That will be $3.24
Me: (handing him four ones) hold on a sec, I totally have four cents...(hand him the four cents, turn to fiddle with my iPod. I turn back around and he is staring at me, mouth open) Um, what?
ASC: Did you have change?
Me: Yeah, I just gave you four cents.
ASC: (looks confusedly at his hand holding the four pennies, shakes his head) Oh yeah! You did. Be right back.

He comes back and gives me my sandwich. I ask for Arby's sauce. I pull forward and open the bag and it's the wrong fucking sandwich. I figured it was a lost cause at this point and ate it anyway.

Then I had softball, which again made me realize I am way too old for this...

Then I went home and soaked in a hot bath and went to bed. Woke up yesterday morning unable to swallow and sweating. Went to doctor for the fourth time in the last four months (WTF?!) and was told it was viral, so no antibiotics, but I needed oral steroids to bring down the swelling in my tonsils or else they can interfere with breathing. Lovely. It's only a matter of time before I start beefing up, you know, between this and the round of steroids I just finished taking for asthma...FUUUUUCK. I am literally never sick and feel like I have been sick constantly since the papers were filed.

There is good news though...I will hopefully have a settlement agreement in my hands next week, and the St. Patrick's Day parade (which is ALWAYS a good time) is here tomorrow in Denver...and if I feel up to it, I'll be hitting Beaver Creek again on Sunday.

Have a great weekend! I promise to catch up on reading/writing blogs this weekend!

The One Time I Will Look at Pessimism as a Postive Thing

I just had an ephiphany of sorts.

So, lately as I have been hanging out with GTIAGO more, and we aren't seeing other people, it's kind of freaking me out. I mean, even though we SAY we are trying to keep it cool and casual and not get too involved, at least until the divorce is over and I really *can,* it's obviously trending in a somewhat serious direction. Not like, moving-in-together-serious, you know, just more than casually dating.

I've been getting really nervous and uncomfortable about it, mainly because it's just such bad timing. And I feel like I am kind of a freak right now. I mean, I normally am a totally trusting and non-jealous-type person. Really. I mean, I honestly never worried about my ex cheating on me. And not because he's not super good-looking and charming and all that jazz, just because I kind of think, if someone IS going to cheat on you, what are you going to do about it? Or at least, that's how I used to think. I mean, if you find out someone is cheating, you dump their ass. Yes, it might hurt, but whatever. I kind of just think that any gain you might get from being so "on guard" and suspicious all the time is more than negated by the stress and strain and drama that kind of attitude creates in a relationship, not to mention the erosion of the other person's trust in you that occurs when you don't trust them.

Did that even make sense?

Lately I don't feel like a trusting type of person, at all. It sucks. I feel like I just need to be constantly suspicious of every little thing, so I can "catch" it if the relationship is going to go south, and bail before it gets too painful. Sad. And I know it's sad. I also know that if I don't get a grip on it, it can really fuck some stuff up. I mean, I've seen other people destroy their own relationships via such tactics, even though they were incredibly happy with the person they were with. And that's not what I want to do.

Anyway, I've been kind of worrying the concept over in my head lately, thinking about it a lot. I definitely have moments where I think, maybe I should just end this before it gets too complicated. Because I really think at this point we could still easily go our separate ways. Yes, it would sting a little, but not like it does when you are four, six, twelve months down the road, you know?

Then there's that little voice that tells me if I don't at least see what this situation has to offer, I will kick myself for the rest of my life! Dammit. Make the voices stop. Or at least agree on something...

I talked to GTIAGO about it a little last night. Basically he feels weirded out that I don't seem to really trust him, even though he's done nothing the slightest bit untrustworthy. We've had similar convos before and in the past I just always let him think I was a jealous type of person, because it seemed easier at the time than explaining all my bullshit drama and baggage. Last night I finally just broke it down for him - I just had a bad breakup and feel kind of silly for putting myself in a situation where I could have another one. And the more I hang with him, the more I like him - and the scarier that prospect becomes. So it's not him, it's me, and the timing of the situation, and all this baggage, blah blah blah.

I was talking to my BFF/roommate Tiny Panther this morning about it, we were just chatting about how hard it can be to let your guard down again after you have had a "traumatic" relationship experience. I mentioned that it's just a scary concept that in any romantic relationship, you are essentially either going to end up married (or at least commitedly partnered in some way) or break up. And there's a good chance the breakup is going to suck.

Then I realized that even if you get married, it might suck. I mean, I'm not saying my marriage sucked - there were definitely good times. But I, of all people, should know that just because something "works out," and results in some kind of long-term commitment, doesn't mean it's not going to go bad at some point.

From that perspective, it seems like I am equally likely to get screwed either way. So I may as well take the road that's the most enjoyable, right? Which is definitely continuing to hang with him and see what develops, rather than pulling out early in the interest of overactive self-preservation urges.

I realize that just sounded a little pessimistic and negative, but in a weird way, it totally helped me feel better about the situation, LOL.

This is Softball, Bitch

My friends play softball every year through a Boulder recreational league. I've never played before because last year was the first year they did a co-ed team, and I lived in Steamboat then. This year I decided to play, even though, as I told Sugar Cube - our coach - I suck at the outfield and all I can really do is hit and run.

I was all nervous last night because I haven't played in EIGHT YEARS (which, when I figured that out, was one of those "OMG I am so freaking old" moments) and actually had to go buy a glove because I had no idea where the one from my teenage years had gone. Now, I never played in high school or anything. I did little league (or the equivalent) when I was a leeeeetle kid and then played on a few rec leagues in college. That's it.

I pop-flied out my first two times at bat and then finally hit a triple, which was pretty nice if I do say so myself. Sugar Cube, taking into consideration my warning regarding how badly I suck in the outfield, put me out in right field. No one ever hits the ball to right field, you know? Except last night. I totally managed to be that chick that gets the ball hit straight towards her, and is completely oblivious, staring up at the lights, thinking about something else entirely. Clueless.

I warned them. And I am super sore today. I really am getting too old to drink beer and play sports at the same time.